i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
