I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
