still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
