she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I did not marry a roomba.
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