The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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