3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
