Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
