I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
