I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
