WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
