im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have post one night stand depression
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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