There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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