She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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