The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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