Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
