fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
