Porn is love you can see.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You took a bar mat shot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
