yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why do cheetos always look like penises
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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