i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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