Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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