turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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