let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
