I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I touched a dick in church today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
