apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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