By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
