I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
