Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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