It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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