I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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