Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
