I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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