OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
