No awkward lesbian experiences without me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
