He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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