I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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