don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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