respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
only if we run a train.
done.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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