Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
