sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
