I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
