and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
