I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
