Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
