His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
