I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
