I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
