I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
