It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
