I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
