I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
