Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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