so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
